He amazes me....

My brother tonight amazed me. He's always amazed me I should say. He's won the special olympics once (basketball). I cried that day of pure joy. He achieved getting his drivers lic., I cried that day. He's achieved having his own job, overcoming the looks. He is what we all should be. Not self absorbed, not self conscious. Tonight Steve asked if he was "down syndrome". I replied "No, why do you ask?" He thought that being DS was about figuring out your sexuality. (he's confused about sexualities b/c of other around him that are insensitive and rude to that matter) I said nothing more than, "No Steve, those two things are different." I went along with naming the people HE knew that were dx with Down Syndrome. Steve amazes me.  I can sit next to Steve and feel honored, proud, that I get the chance to say I helped, that I get the chance to say, look at him...now that's an example for us all. That I get the chance to say that's my brother, that's my blood. This adult with disabilities works, is the most stable worker i know, the most dedicated to work person I know. He cares for everyone he encounters, even when it comes off as "inapropriate", it's caring. (trust me). I'm amazed by Steve every day of my life and every day of the rest of my life I will continue to be amazed.

Just DO IT ALREADY!!!!!

This is what I don't understand about men, about my father. I love him to pieces, I really do. However, what is his deal when it comes to taking responsibility for things. Ie: my brother, Steve.Why can't he just DO IT ALREADY.  Or when it comes to his own dreams/wants and desires in life. Why can he not just DO IT ALREADY?
When Steve needs something that's going to cost money (this usually being something that's expensive, large sums of money) and my parents are needing to provide that for him, my Dad is the one that throws the fit, never makes the move, until he's been bitched at for weeks or months. Ofcourse, in his deffense my mother doesn't always hold up her end of any deal. Meaning she sometimes doesn't provide her portion of the financies for Steve. (however, this is only the case every once in awhile). Anyways, my Dad sits here and  hims and haws (sp) over these things forever, constantly trying to get myself and/or boyfriend involved, financially, so that he's not the only one putting forth the money. Today I just started yelling "he's not my friggin kid, but yet he lives with me, I provide all the time, I do this, that, etc...., so now i'm saying there is no F'in way i'm providing this when he's YOUR SON."   (I mean, come on people, I do alot for my brother and I don't think that while both our parents are living I should have to provide the things that are either out of my reach or way too expensive (big purchase items).))
Do you think my point got thru? NOPE! I can promise you that this will arise again, I will be asked again to help out financially. The problem is that I don't think my dad see's it as not taking responsibility for Steve. I think he knows his role, but is cheap. How can I tell him that this is his deal, he needs to do it already?

Also, My Dad is always wanting to go out of state, visit a nice place for 6 mos out of the year. No not FL or somewhere warm. He LOVES Alaska, Colo.,etc.. He has the means to do so and has looked into every area of this country he'd like to visit/live for short term and has even made arrangements a few times. So why won't my Father live out his dream? B/c he's afraid he'll miss something w/my girls and I. He doesn't want to miss a moment. Possibly a moment he never had with myself or Steve (considering my parents were divorced when I was 5y/o). However, in a 6 mos stretch I can promise NOTHING too important will happen, especially over Winter (yuk).

So here are my two wishes for the day/month and possibly even year (though i'm sure i'll add more).
1. My father to take more responsibility for Steve (appreciate what I do and help me)
2. My father to do what he wants for once, meaning go on that vacation, live elsewhere for 6mos. Live out the dream he has so he can say HE DID IT.

JUST DO IT ALREADY DAD!

Men and our Mall

Seriously, why do we always fall for taking our men to the mall with us? I assume only b/c we still somewhere deep in us think that it will end up being a fun day filled with laughs, gossip and looking and the purchasing of fun items we love. THIS IS NEVER THE CASE!!!! Tonight I decided to take boyfriend to this new store in my town, Forever 21, so I could buy some fun tops for our trip out of town this coming up weekend. While I looked around he "shopped" for clothes at a different store. I was in my own  happy little shopping world, gathering and trying on tons of fun things when all of a sudden my phone rang. He's DONE shopping. "You done, it's been like forever?" he proclaimed over the phone. Guess what ladies? It had been 45 MINUTES since we ENTERED the mall. It took me 15 to walk all the way to the store I was going to, which means I shopped for 30 MINUTES and he called and then showed up at the store. A guy in the mood to leave that shows up at the store a woman is shopping in is none other than UNCOMFORTABLE! Seriously, as I looked over my "maybe" purchases and then proceeded to the jewerly section boyfriend followed closely. And not in that he's intently watching and interested in what i'm getting. More so, soooo close that it's down right creepy! I ended up getting boyfriend to hit up another store so I could look things. I was toward the end of my shopping, i'm at the check out. Standing there thinking....Saaweet..he's not here yet, therefore i wont' have to explain the prices (which are cheap btw) or the reason I love things/want things and AM GETTING THINGS.....when all of a sudden he's standing right beside me with that semi-smile they get. The smile that means, "i'm happy for you, buying yourself something nice, but but but we need to talk about your purchases tonight and the need for them." That smile totally takes away all the fun in shopping!!!  Sooo here are my current thoughts. Ladies, if we have a sudden loss of judgement when heading to the mall and invite our men. Let's take the time to at least acknowledge our error and remind them of the following...1.Their input is not needed unless requested. (which won't happen, we promise ). 2 .We are always spending money on them or kids or both and for once we like to spend a little extra on ourselves. 3. (here's the best one)...if we wanted a financial advisor, we'd hire one and it sure as hell would NOT be them!hehehe (ps: I made that last comment and it doesn't go over as well as it did in my head, but boyfriend is over it)  Happy shopping ladies and good luck with your men and our mall...:)

Classical Conditioning.

Here is an example of Classical Conditioning (hope that's the right one ) at it's best! Now...keep in mind you're getting a twofer today b/c that first blog wasn't all that fun!

Boyfriend and I have one small bathroom upstairs. At night we both are in there brushing our teeth, getting ready for bed. Well, I always have to go to the bathroom before bed. I don't konw what it is, I just do. Sooo since he (being a boy) doesn't care who's in the bathroom when, he doesn't get out. I simply have started lifting the toilet seat up in order to signal my needing or wanting to use the bathroom. This was working like a charm for months........I'd brush my teeth, he'd do his and i'd lift the toilet seat and he'd walk out. PERFECT!!!!!until a week ago. Somehow he caught on to this trick of mine and actually called me out on it. "Ever notice how you only have to lift that seat and I just leave?" Oh how I smiled and giggled with a reply "huh, never noticed...good idea though boyfriend."....he thought nothing of my lets play dumb comment until I soooo nicely said as I was walking out of the bathroom "It's called Classical Conditioning and you're the subject." Boyfriend just laughed b/c he at that moment realized...I WAS NOT KIDDING! hahahaha

So ladies...I bet if you pay attention you'll come across some classical conditioning that you've created in your household. Promise....it works like a charm! (just don't get caught)

Say my name.......

I have soo much to say, but it's all about different things. I guess we'll start with people! People are funny! As I am learning, growing up,etc.. I'm finding out who my true friends are and who they certainly are not! This I consider a good good thing. I have some really great friends. I thank each and everyone of them for being such good friends. I seriously consider myself lucky!!! Soooo thank you ladies and gents......
But here's what's funny.....I live in a small small town. It's like "cheers" everyone knows your name. BUT.... Does everyone need to know your business? NO NO NO! Does every know it though...YES YES YES. Is some of it false? YES YES YES! This bothers me to a certain extent. I love being able to share, laugh, cry,etc. with  my friends. I know that people talk, tell other friends in their groups,etc..but sometimes I think people need to use their brains and just well, shut-up! Sometimes things said in private or with confidence should remain there. I think this is starting to come off like i'm upset at someone. I'm not at all, nothing really has happened too much lately. I'm just explaining my thought process right now! All i'm saying is that if your a friend to someone...keep their hard times to yourself. Share with them the good times and be there for the hard times. Feel honored they came to you....there was a reason for that!
K, back to me....I love my friends and again, I thank each and everyone of you for being there, trusting and supporting me and my family! We love ya all!!!! (see i'm not upset....) :):)

Now lets move onto schools that promote Nursing shortages. This would be MATC-Madison. I'm sooo sick of that place. I've been going there for awhile now. During my LPN years (yes years..I was going pt) I was told a number of things. But one was consistent (apply for LPN to RN as soon as you're ENROLLED in your last preRn courses.) I am enrolled and in them now, have my LPN,etc.. Does MATC follow thru.. HELL NO. Did I go out of my way to see about getting into Watertown early, Yes. Did I work out my entire 2010 RN schedule with my work (who is not always that flexible), yes! I have covered every base, taken or are taking every class needed to start this last year and ONE person at MATC-Madison is holding me up. I've decided that she can put her name on top of this list of reasons why there is a shortage. I don't understand people. Sometimes, even the most determined, hard-working people, such as myself, get pushed down by DUMB, power-trippers that have no clue about how things work or should work!!! Soo as some old ass saying goes "woe is me"!!!
Hey though....i'll make it thru and i'm not done with that lady. I'm marching my butt right into there tomorrow and letting her know more and more of my feelings. Then, i'll just accept the fact that i'm either in or out in Jan. and will either finish in Dec. 2010 or May 2010 depending. Still MATC I would NEVER recommend!

In every hole in my head!

You may not believe this, but this is a true, funny, story!

Yesterday I was in school all day, yuk! At lunch in a small lounge with few computers, just eating my sandwich and chips (I was extra hungry that day). I bit into my FIRST chip and BAM, into my eye a piece of chip flew! OMG it stung b/c the chips were Sour Cream. I sat there fishing this out with my chip filled fingers while trying to pull down my eyelid to make my eye water more than it already was. I had to be quiet though b/c i didn't want to make a scene. Who does this happen to? How would I explain this to others? It turned out just fine though, chips out of the eye and school went on. Today, my eye is little dry. Probably scratched the cornea a little, but it will heal.

You think that's the end of this blog? Continue, b/c that was just the morning....

At night I decided to go for a run w/my dog. I was halfway done when all of a sudden a BUG flew into my mouth and I started choking/coughing on it and it's wings. After a minute or so I thought it was all going to be ok and I could continue my jog. I started back up again to only find that the rest of this run would consist of me coughing and clearing my throat of the bug and it's wings until I got home to water.

I was going to study last night, but after a day of things flying in every hole in my head but my nose and ears, that I needed to make me a drink! "VanillaVodka you there?, It's me!"

I kicked your butt in Wii bowling

Boyfriend and I bought a Wii for Chirstmas for the girls. I know, why are we talking about a Christmas gift right?, well I opened it. Ha, we needed to try it out, make sure it works,etc..:) It does, great! Yes, i'm still giving it to the girls. It will just be all set up with their little names programmed in and ready to play! I"m still a good Santa!!! Anyways, boyfriend and I have been playing this Wii a few times a week and have
 come to the very true fact that i'm just much better at bowling on Wii than he is. SUPER FOR ME one would think. One is wrong, boyfriend doesn't seem to like the idea of me beating him in a Wii game. He doesn't get all crazy weirdo ish on me, but you can tell he's not too thrilled about losing in general. If I win one game (which happens often) then we are up until he's beat me twice (not once, but twice). Once he's accomplished his goal he is in heaven and willing to talk and smile at me again. As if winning something for me was a  huge horrible thing I did. BOYS!Soo I've decided this, i'm no longer going to be the good sport that I am. I'm no longer going to show him the ropes of bowling for Wii (cause yes, i've shown him my secrets to successful Wii bowling). What I am going to do is get all quiet and sad when he beats me at that game. Do I think this will show him something, teach him something about sportsmenship? NO WAY! He'll still be all happy happy happy, but at least I can know that I am able to sink to that boy level if need be ladies. Which might work one of these years in my advantage, cause i'm a girl and that's the game, right? hahaha! Soo if you're in my boat...have fun with it!!!

Your mail is in the trash

OMG...have you ever been sooo stressed, tired or just loopy that you do things that are completely off the wall? I have experienced every level of stress there is and I am ususally, like the most of us, stressed over something! One day I got off of work, got the mail and went in the house with the girls. Perfectly normal until boyfriend was askign at 10pm  if i've seen a bill he was expecting. OMG I flew out of bed and to the kitchen trash can. I dug around and there was ALL the mail. I had come in the house the mail and just tossed it all in the trash, never lookign at it once! Something must have clicked  when boyfriend said something b/c I never thought twice about the mail. Now I'll never live it down. Every time something didn't come when it was "suppose" to i'm ask.."did you happen to throw it away?". AAhhh, justified yes! Not sure if I was just overly stressed that day or if I can blame the Shopper newpaper that seems to come EVERY DAY for hiding my mail in it.....eitherway! I'm gettign better on keeping the mail out of the trash!

Color Blind

I love children for many reasons. One of them is the fact that they are completely color blind to the world. Today my youngest daughter came home from Pre-K. We were talking about the friends she had in her class. She mentioned some names as normal, first names only and then I heard "also a girl named "black(namehere)". I was SHOCKED! My reactions was, "So tell me why do you call her Black """?" My daughter said, "well she has black hair Mom...oh and she is just black all over." Soo innocent, so harmless in the confines of our car. Right then I knew I better start explaining something before she heads off to school the next day and calls this little girl that to her face! Though this was a moment of learning, it was funny how fun, cute and completely blind to the ugly world she was! I sat in the car and simply said.. "Do people call you White(name here)?" She said no ofcourse. I decided that showing her the difference right away was the best, however I made it a point to include other races in my little speech as well. Worked out since she is friends with a litte girl from China. THen I continued on to say, "we are all the same on the inside and we are nice to everyone." I think I did good, but only tomorrow will tell me that!!!

PS: Sorry for the lack of names. If I'm going to be able to write funny or not soo funny stories, I need to be able to keep names out of things. Those of you who know me, know who i'm talking about it. But those that don't can start imagining (might be more fun that way anyway)

You're pulling a Brenda!!!!

Not every blog can be about my "rough" times of the day/week/month or even year...soooo let's just talk about what it was like THIS weekend. FUN FUN FUN! I'm sooo lucky to have the groups of friends that I do.
Friday we were off to help a friend ring in her 29th bday. Yes, 29, NOT 30. Why? B/c it is way way too obvious to celebrate the 30th bday and she is getting married around that time next year. Bummer for her right? Ugh....(always the wedding attendee) Saturday we woke up semi-late (9am or so, which is late for us b/c we hate sleeping in) went to the store, out for breakfast and then down to the Taste of Madison and Badger Saturday game day bars. SUPER FUN! Oh, did I mention I felt pretty bad Saturday morning, but i'm what some might call at TROOPER! That's right, once up and showered I made it through and a good time was had by all. At the Taste of Madison we saw the country up and coming singer, Jessica Harp. Love some of her songs. Ofcourse the boys just like her (boys are weirdos I've decided) We headed to the game day bars (that's the name i've given them). OMG we met this dumbest girl ever. BRENDA!!!This chick ugh, I can't even describe how dumb she was, other than to simply say that others around us commented on her as well. One of my good friends took her home that night....still dumb in the mornign I heard and again, boys are weirdos) So if you ever hear me say "you're pulling a Brenda" that's from this chick aka you're stupid and I mean it! K, so today, Sunday, we work up semi-late again and boyfriend (yea that's his name) went golfing w/my Dad and his friends and i wondered on over to another group of friends home for a nice little pool party and some drinks! OH it was a blast. Whirlpool is the one word needed to describe it. (no one other than those there will understand that one) Wish I could've stayed longer at the party, but boyfriend was spent from his long weekend and hasn't learned to train that liver of his! (JK), so he had to go home aft. golfing. Tomorrow my girls come home from their Dads.Thank gosh, I miss them soooo much! When they are gone it's hard for me to stay home b/c I get bored not having them home with me. We are heading up to boyfriends "rents (parents) house then for Labor Day. One big happy family (just not a legally married happy family.hahaha)
K, well that's pretty much it. Great weekend, boring blog for you all to read. I can't really write all the funny things down. I make others in my life nervous when I sit here and "blog" it all to everyone...so keeping it tame is the name of the game (FOR NOW) :)

Happy Labor Day friends!!

WARNING WARNING

I won't ever name names here. But if I write about you, tell a funny story or simply make fun of something. Don't get pisst. Just email me and we'll work it out. I'd prefer if everyone had a sense of humor ofcourse, but we all can't have what we want,right? Sooo try to please take things with grain of salt. No intentions here on hurting anyone!!! Enjoy I hope the blogs only get better over time (heck they are about my life...i really hope that) hehe

Man Vs Fridge

Time for something fun huh?

Here's what I want to know. Why do men even try to argue with women? Yes, there are plenty of reasons NOT to I can come up with. However, this is one very good one! We have a memory like a trapped door. It amazes me that I can sit on the couch and locate items in the refridgerater for my BF (boyfriend) as he is looking inside the fridge and STILL unable to find the item he wants and he still thinks that during arguements I don't remember things and that i'm wrong! ARE MEN SERIOUS?  The item put into that fridge was probably put there hours or days ago and I (we women) STILL know exactly where it is located. Heck, even if someone were to move it we'd konw where it went to. Need I go on with this? I will, only briefly though, I need to understand further why they can't find these items. ie: Wine bottle (yes this happened in my house) is placed on lower shelf, laying down. BF walks to fridge for wine...looks EVERYWHERE else but down (perhaps he's blind in his lower eye?I don't know) and can't find that LARGE SHEREish SHAPED BOTTLE! No worries, I yell from the living room and tell him exactly where it is located...ITEM FOUND! Now i'm sure this isn't the only place we (women) are helping our search challenged men out with. There's the pantry, freezer, garage (yes, the garage...their own domain), bedroom and bathroom to name a few! I think i'm going to use my labeler more often now. Perhaps we all need to label more than the "normal" items. We need to get to the fridge and pantry ASAP! Post directions outside each with where and how to get to things.....that is our piece and quiet moment!!!

Everyday is a gift and i'm looking to return some

Everyday is a gift, but I wonder if I could return Monday the 31st?
Not only did I work and go to class (school), but I was called out of class b/c my oldest daughter was having severe abdominal pain. Sooo bad that the daycare thought of calling 911. They didn't though, I got there and we went straight into the doc. I thought it would her appendix, but it's her bowels. They were FOS (full of shit). Ofcourse we couldn't rule out the Appe. b/c she had a high fever and what not. But aft. a long visit there w/xrays and blood draws (that sent others in near shock at how loud my little girl could scream) we went home to do enemas. One would think that aft. all that I'd be exhausted, stressed and what not. I was, but I had more in me regardless of it all. Not even two minutes into my house with my girls my brother, Steve, calls me crying. "Stacy, I crashed my car." I was paniced. Grabbed my girls and got in the car to go to Steve. HE WAS FINE! Unbelievable though. His car had smashed into the car in front on him who had already hit the car in front of them when traffic came to a sudden stop. It was rush hour ofcourse! Steve just wasn't paying close enough attention and BAM! Both airbags came out, front fell off of his car and the rest just smashed upward into the car. His car was TOTALED! Looked like from that we no longer had to worry about that stereo issues (read first blog to hear that one....ugh)! Aft. a day to re-group and look over his car again, I realized he was lucky. The seatbelt and airbad saved him from injury or worse! He had been going 45mph on impact. Pretty fast when you hit something! Today, we are all done with the car insur. stuff. No more car for now, but everyone is safe! Seriously, Like Sand Through An Hour Glass So Are The Days Of MY Life!!! That is no joke!
What I love though.....and I hole heartedly DON'T mean this, is when people (father, mother) try telling me what's up, what to do,etc... Hello people, YOU ARE NOT TAKING CARE OF HIM, I AM! So I kinda loose my patience with them. My Dad just thinks i'm impatient (ha I have more patience than one could ever imagine), but in reality I loose my patience with THEM (parents)!
Here's the good thing. I know you're like "what something good is happening to this woman?" yeah, this is what I consider good. Steve is taking this pretty well. We've worked out a plan for him to repay some of the  monies he owes b/c of this accident. He's made at himself b/c of the accident, but is LEARNING SOMETHING FROM IT! Phew...In the future he might get another car. Cheaper than the one he had (and that's like REALLY CHEAP), but he's going to have to put forth some money to get it. He's willing so far. Time will tell!!

Picture Day

Today I had our family pictures taken by a local photographer! She's great. Kristaroderphotogrhapy.com is where you'll find her! K, that's my marketing skills for the day.  So as prepping before pictures seems to ALWAYS go, I was left feeling like I have booked the WORST possible thing ever!! The girls are running around, no one is listening. I'm combing hair and they are screaming as if I was chopping their heads off (comb went right thru also, which as some of you may know, means there werent' any freakin' tangles) Anyways, finally i'm able to do some own hair/make-up when the BF says, "should we iron their shirts?" Well to be honest he was right, we should! I just didn't have time, didn't think about it until he said something. I should say it's not like these shirts were old and wrinkely, they were new and had those fresh new wrinkle to them. He ironed them for me b/c I think he FINALLY sensed that perhaps I was getting stressed. Steve-o was coming to the pictures and had put on a write t-shirt WITH WRITING on it under the nice white buttom up he was going to wear (we all wore white). Needless to say you could see all that writing..so there I am telling him how to change it around, while doing my hair, taking girls shirts off to be ironed and the BF is saying "Couldn't we have taken our own pictures?, I think i'm only doing this once." AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Sometimes I wonder about men. I really don't think my little Nikon camera is going to take the same pictures that this PHOTOGRAPHER is going to take! Anyways, it all turned out and everyone ofcourse ended up happy that we did it. What they seem to have forgotten is the stress/hell they had to put me in just to get to that point.

Like sand through the hour glass, so are the days of MY life!

Turkeys in my yard

I've decided to make a list of highlights in my life!

-The girls (daughters)
-The BF
-My Dad (And he's a whole other blog....trust me)
-Label maker. Yes, I have one and i love love love it! I've been labeling EVERYTHING and I recommend this for everyone! Makes life easier, especially when the schools for you kids send home these silly lists of things they NEED to have (ie: wipes, baggies,,etc..) See i understand pencils, markers,etc.. but I don't understand buying their cleaning supplies or storage materials! I'd rather just give them $50 a year and let the teachers get what they want/need!
-Dog (PJ is her name. She's an odd one! She can jump HIGH HIGH and won't ever leave my side!)
-LPN Lic
-Friends (I have such great great friends! Most the time i feel bad that I can't attend all the events/bdays,etc... I feel bad that I can't call them often. You knw they are good friends when you can go weeks/months w/o talking to them and when you do see them it's like there was no distance at all. Someday I dream of having more time. Just need to get a house, RN degree and organized!
-Bf's family (They are great. They've accepted the girls, myself and my brother. I couldn't ask for a better family to becoming apart of and somday (if he EVER gets a freakin ring) hehehe, they will be my family! :)
-My job (I know, why is that a highlight? It is and it isn't! I like MOST of the people I work with. Some ofcourse I think the world could do w/o (trust me,we could), but i've made some good friends. I work w/good Doctors who care about the staff. I am most of time happy and having a good time at work. I guess thus far, i've picked a good career path. The only thing that will make it better is when i'm practicing as a nurse!)
-Steve-o (oh yes, you thought i'd not add him aft. yesterday! He's a highlight. I think we can learn alot from people like Steve. He cherishes the small things while we take them for granted! )
-Mom (I know..HUH? But you never lose that mother/daughter bond. I think she's a strong person. I like the drive she has. I just don't agree with her actions. She's good with advice.)
-bonfires/boating/beaches/Wii (I don't get to do these all too often and NO I don't own a boat. But sometimes I get the chance to be on one and I LOVE IT! Bonfires are a must have in the Spring/Fall in Wisco. Soo much fun getting friends/family together. Making smores, telling stories. My girls love them also. Beaches, I just love water in general. A pool would do also! And finally Wii. Why did I pick a video game to be a hightlight? Well b/c it's something the BF loves to do. It's something that my girls will enjoy in the cold Winter's here and most importantly, we all do it together!
-Family time/Family dinners (As time goes by I am realizing the importance in having meals together. Spending more and more time together. I want my girls to have dinners everynight or most nights at the table with us. A perfect night is when, no one comes to our door unexpectedly, we are eating together, talking about our days and then we play a game with girls, read to them and put them to bed. PERFECT!!!

WAIT WAIT WAIT...SIDE NOTE: I just looked out my window and there are TURKEYS in my yard, in my driveway! OMG, they are sooo cute! I ran outside a minute ago to take pictures (my camera and I are addicted to eachother), my dog got outside and those turkeys went flying and running fast, making their cute little turkey noice! WOW, that was pretty neat!

A new STEREO?

Let's start with the basics. I am a single mother of two little girls, I work part-time while I attend Nursing school. I have a boyfriend FINALLY, that's good for me! We've been dating for almost 2yrs. I know, some of you are thinking, "that's it, 2yrs, what is she bragging about?" Well, pay attention and you'll find out! Thus far i'm sure my life doesn't sound too much different than others, these days at least. But here's the kicker, I also take care of my Developmentally Disabled brother. He lives with me, my girls and my boyfriend. One might think "oh her parents must have passed away, poor thing." NO, they are BOTH still very much alive. 3.5 years ago  my Mother decided to end her Special Ed Teacher career and MOVE to California to pursue Law. Yes, there was a man there that she had liked, at the time, that she lived/lives with! My Father, he lives in the same town we do. However, my parents divorced when I was 5 and my Brother 2yrs old. My Dad, b/c my Mom wouldn't allow, only saw us everyother weekend and we always lived 30min. away. Meaning it was hard for him to get to every event, every meetin,etc,...for my brother. Now ofcourse I can't say that some of this isn't his fault. It was only 30min, but if you knew my Mother you'd understand and i'm sure there is more to this story than even I know! Back to the situation, she moved and I took over! I've alway resented her for this and I always will. I told her that if she passed away i'd take him, NOT IF SHE MOVED!

What goes along with my Brother is a team of people whom work for State agencies to help provide services for him. I hire them and then we meet as much as we need to so that his life remains stable and he doesn't fall thru and cracks in the system (there are always cracks). Steve is my Brother's name (everyone else will remain nameless)and he's 24 yrs old. He's great, he's perfect and he's my hero. However, THIS IS SOOO HARD TO DO! There are day, such as today, that I want to throw in the towel with him. It gets to  be too much. No one understands but the team. My Dad doesn't get it, My Mom is no help at all (even over the phone she makes things worse it seems b/c she doesn't have to directly deal with things anymore), so that leaves me and my boyfriend (who's learning the ropes of all this...see why I can brag about this man? This BF?)
Today Steve decided that he' stereo in his car didn't work. Yes, he has a car. Two years ago I worked hard, he worked harder, to get his lic. (learned to read, took at the legal tests and we hired a instructor, he DID IT. I cried that day when he got his lic. out of being proud) Anyways, the stereo was old and the car is just as old, 1997 Ford! However,  i'm in charge of his financies b/c he has no clue on money, savings, bills,etc.. There are laws I have to follow also with this financies (none at which say he can't buy a stereo, but you get it) Sooooo today Stever drove to BB(Best Buy) and told them he'd be back to get a stereo put in. HE ORDERED A STEREO!!!! I'm proud of him for being independent, however he doesn't have the money for that. Steve's on a budget bi-weekly b/c of his horrible spending habits and we save money for repairs, gas, etc... on his car! (remember, repairs doesn't mean new stereo, it's a 1997 FORD) I knew the day was going to be a bad one. Steve has a hard time taking "no" for anything! I knew that if I let him spend his budgeted monies on this he'd be broke for two weeks.  Then during those two weeks he'd be complaining and having possible tantrums( those can be pretty bad at times). I barely have time to eat (heck my boyfriend says i'm the fastest eater he's every seen), I certainly don't have time for tantrums. Oh I should say, all this went down while I sat in AP2 in another town for Nursing for FIVE hours! I only got to talk to Steve on breaks!
I ended up writing an email to the team, they contacted Steve and somewhere along the line (at 430pm a whole day's worth) they got thru to him. He canceled his stereo and was willing to get it as a present for his Bday!

I"m sure none of this sounds too bad to many. Here's the thing, i'm stressed! I'm 28 (almost), I have two kids, i'm trying sooo hard to better myself  and yet I want to run away from everything. I find myself wishing I had the heart to throw in that towel on Steve! When situations like today's or worse (they can get worse) occur it's not easy. He's yelling, i'm trying to stay calm and explain all while attending a class, working or taking care of my kids...in the end i'm always left crying, feeling sorry for myself (which I hate doing)
So today I decided that maybe writing out my feelings, good or bad, would help me! It feels like i'm talking to someone and who knows, maybe I am!