Let's start with the basics. I am a single mother of two little girls, I work part-time while I attend Nursing school. I have a boyfriend FINALLY, that's good for me! We've been dating for almost 2yrs. I know, some of you are thinking, "that's it, 2yrs, what is she bragging about?" Well, pay attention and you'll find out! Thus far i'm sure my life doesn't sound too much different than others, these days at least. But here's the kicker, I also take care of my Developmentally Disabled brother. He lives with me, my girls and my boyfriend. One might think "oh her parents must have passed away, poor thing." NO, they are BOTH still very much alive. 3.5 years ago my Mother decided to end her Special Ed Teacher career and MOVE to California to pursue Law. Yes, there was a man there that she had liked, at the time, that she lived/lives with! My Father, he lives in the same town we do. However, my parents divorced when I was 5 and my Brother 2yrs old. My Dad, b/c my Mom wouldn't allow, only saw us everyother weekend and we always lived 30min. away. Meaning it was hard for him to get to every event, every meetin,etc,...for my brother. Now ofcourse I can't say that some of this isn't his fault. It was only 30min, but if you knew my Mother you'd understand and i'm sure there is more to this story than even I know! Back to the situation, she moved and I took over! I've alway resented her for this and I always will. I told her that if she passed away i'd take him, NOT IF SHE MOVED!
What goes along with my Brother is a team of people whom work for State agencies to help provide services for him. I hire them and then we meet as much as we need to so that his life remains stable and he doesn't fall thru and cracks in the system (there are always cracks). Steve is my Brother's name (everyone else will remain nameless)and he's 24 yrs old. He's great, he's perfect and he's my hero. However, THIS IS SOOO HARD TO DO! There are day, such as today, that I want to throw in the towel with him. It gets to be too much. No one understands but the team. My Dad doesn't get it, My Mom is no help at all (even over the phone she makes things worse it seems b/c she doesn't have to directly deal with things anymore), so that leaves me and my boyfriend (who's learning the ropes of all this...see why I can brag about this man? This BF?)
Today Steve decided that he' stereo in his car didn't work. Yes, he has a car. Two years ago I worked hard, he worked harder, to get his lic. (learned to read, took at the legal tests and we hired a instructor, he DID IT. I cried that day when he got his lic. out of being proud) Anyways, the stereo was old and the car is just as old, 1997 Ford! However, i'm in charge of his financies b/c he has no clue on money, savings, bills,etc.. There are laws I have to follow also with this financies (none at which say he can't buy a stereo, but you get it) Sooooo today Stever drove to BB(Best Buy) and told them he'd be back to get a stereo put in. HE ORDERED A STEREO!!!! I'm proud of him for being independent, however he doesn't have the money for that. Steve's on a budget bi-weekly b/c of his horrible spending habits and we save money for repairs, gas, etc... on his car! (remember, repairs doesn't mean new stereo, it's a 1997 FORD) I knew the day was going to be a bad one. Steve has a hard time taking "no" for anything! I knew that if I let him spend his budgeted monies on this he'd be broke for two weeks. Then during those two weeks he'd be complaining and having possible tantrums( those can be pretty bad at times). I barely have time to eat (heck my boyfriend says i'm the fastest eater he's every seen), I certainly don't have time for tantrums. Oh I should say, all this went down while I sat in AP2 in another town for Nursing for FIVE hours! I only got to talk to Steve on breaks!
I ended up writing an email to the team, they contacted Steve and somewhere along the line (at 430pm a whole day's worth) they got thru to him. He canceled his stereo and was willing to get it as a present for his Bday!
I"m sure none of this sounds too bad to many. Here's the thing, i'm stressed! I'm 28 (almost), I have two kids, i'm trying sooo hard to better myself and yet I want to run away from everything. I find myself wishing I had the heart to throw in that towel on Steve! When situations like today's or worse (they can get worse) occur it's not easy. He's yelling, i'm trying to stay calm and explain all while attending a class, working or taking care of my kids...in the end i'm always left crying, feeling sorry for myself (which I hate doing)
So today I decided that maybe writing out my feelings, good or bad, would help me! It feels like i'm talking to someone and who knows, maybe I am!
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