For 6 plus years now I've needed a "chaperone" to attend my own kids games/events and what not. If one is not with me, I'm "cornered" by an opportunist. Today I decided that I'm done hiding what goes on when I'm left alone at any of my own children's events. Right or wrong, I'm done pretending and I'm done covering and hiding the ugly truth for someone else. Before being with my husband, my Father attended all the events with me. 1. Because he enjoyed seeing the girls do their thing, but 2. Because he knew that if someone (anyone) wasn't with me that the opportunist would take advantage. Now I have my husband attend most things, but of course there are times in life that someone can't always be right there, sitting or standing next time. And trust me, for a woman such as myself, who is strong and independent it upsets me more that I "need" someone just so that I'm not confronted or dealing with nasty comments (you wouldn't even believe the comments).
I always thought that as time goes on thing would settle, the dust would be gone. But it turns out this type of opportunist is one that won't give up, thrives off these times and is none the less a person that will never be an actual adult, regardless of age. So what am I suppose to do? I can't run, I can't hide, I can't not attend the events and I can't take it. When my "chaperone" isn't there, my skin crawls, I wait for the comments, I hold back what I'd love to say (because I'm an adult, the bigger person), I ignore, but how long do I need to continue doing this? All I want is to go to my children's events, be happy, watch them and then go home with the kids.
I always sit/stand there thinking, "Do others know what's happening?" " Look at all these other people, happy to be at the events, getting along, smiling and not on the verge of tears". I don't like to compare, but when I'm caught in these situations I feel like that battered woman, who can't say a thing, can't yell out and can't get the heck out, I'm trapped. Of course, I'm not being "battered", but the feelings that go through a person's head in my shoes, is the same-I can promise you that. I can promise you that you'll see me looking the same and smiling, but it's to hide what's occurring or what has. And if you were in my head, you'd feel the overwhelming anger that I'm holding back as my heart is racing, the sadness as the tears are forming, the chills as the hair on my arms are rising and at times, the fear. Perhaps I should make light of the situation, bring a sign "Chaperone needed--opportunist present".
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Excuse me State of Wisconsin, can we talk
Due to the fact that we live in a small community I don't want to disclose the entire situation or all the names involved, but to simply share this story with you, so bare with me!
Excuse me State of Wisconsin, can we talk? Oh I didn't think so..
why is it that people are left to fall through the cracks in our world, in our state? I have a developmentally disable brother, he lives with me and he is doing great. Most likely the best he's ever been and expected to continue on his climb up in life. So we are all good, for the most part. I am talking about the people similar to Steve that are not. Why can another person with similar disablities that is a threat to self, others and the community be left in the community? I asked this question the other day to a team of people that assist people with disabilities in the State. I found this out, something "worse" has to happen for the State of Wisconsin to get involved in placement with people with a disability. Seriously, how far do things need to go was my follow up question. The person has risked/threaten her dogs life physically, her parent is never around to provide her with structure, support or care. This person has been involved in illegal situations, is a bully and often is looked upon as a threat and/or risk in the community. This person needs the assistance of the State they live in. This person did not ASK to be born this way or to certain people. This person with developmental needs is IN NEED of some support and structure that the STATE of Wisconsin should be able to provide.........but they want to wait until "it gets worse" before they step in. I wonder if the State would like to know that sometimes the littlest things need to be done to fix a problem, possibly such as this one. And that "little fix" could mean the world to this person, a community and families.
Excuse me, State of Wisconsin, Can we talk?
Excuse me State of Wisconsin, can we talk? Oh I didn't think so..
why is it that people are left to fall through the cracks in our world, in our state? I have a developmentally disable brother, he lives with me and he is doing great. Most likely the best he's ever been and expected to continue on his climb up in life. So we are all good, for the most part. I am talking about the people similar to Steve that are not. Why can another person with similar disablities that is a threat to self, others and the community be left in the community? I asked this question the other day to a team of people that assist people with disabilities in the State. I found this out, something "worse" has to happen for the State of Wisconsin to get involved in placement with people with a disability. Seriously, how far do things need to go was my follow up question. The person has risked/threaten her dogs life physically, her parent is never around to provide her with structure, support or care. This person has been involved in illegal situations, is a bully and often is looked upon as a threat and/or risk in the community. This person needs the assistance of the State they live in. This person did not ASK to be born this way or to certain people. This person with developmental needs is IN NEED of some support and structure that the STATE of Wisconsin should be able to provide.........but they want to wait until "it gets worse" before they step in. I wonder if the State would like to know that sometimes the littlest things need to be done to fix a problem, possibly such as this one. And that "little fix" could mean the world to this person, a community and families.
Excuse me, State of Wisconsin, Can we talk?
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Can you see the me?
Can you see me?
Can you see what I do? Can you truely see what i'm up against?
Often it feels like others don't see ME. Everyone knows my routine in life. School, work, kids, etc... but what people seem to often forget is how hard it really all is. People seem to think that if I read a book or two and then attend all my classes and clinicals that i'm now ready for it all in the nursing field. There is now no reason for me to be concerned/scared about my future b/c I've learn it all already. What they are forgetting is this major part of learning on the job. Nursing school has given me the basics, the basics only. Nursing school has shown me once or twice the nursing skills needed. The rest is on the job! I don't deny that i've learn a great deal about the human race, body and mind. However, like everyone else I still need that vital on the job training. I wish that finace knew that I wan't above that, that I need that also. I am sick of finace and some others telling me that i'm in a sad/bad mood. BE SIMPLY IN MY SHOES FOR ONCE! Who can be happy all the time? I know of no one!
I wish that people knew that I work, go to school, help others when I can, take care of Steve-o and have kids. When I am suppose to have time for me? I don't assume anytime really! There are weekends that are free, few and far between,even though I often am busy the next day. Bottom line is, i'm stressed, i'm tired and i'm not in the best of moods all the time.(though you'll often find a smile on my face) I have a job that in the past i've learned alot from. I work with a great great great group of physicians, however the rest of my co-workers and managment(mostly management) are trying to get rid of me b/c of my schooling. My work is no longer a happy place for me to be with now adds to my stressors on a daily basis. I am unwanted and ppl are always against me there, going against deals made (such as working around my schooling) Breakdown: M, T and Thur i am in school all day long. Thur I have to drive to Fort Akinson(sp) for class. Then on Wed and Fri I have to work 10 hr days. (well we all know if i'm not a fan of my work place right now, why would I like being there for 10 hours) Then my oldest has girlscouts, both girls have soccer, soccer practice and games on weekends. Finally I have team meetings for Steve-o, car hunting for me (I sold my other car in hopes to find a van to support a bigger family) and planning a wedding now( which is the least of my stressors), and finally other family private illnesses/issues that are going on.
Now....why am I am in a sad/bad mood sometimes? Why am I not on top of it all? Read above: I'M TRYIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you see what I do? Can you truely see what i'm up against?
Often it feels like others don't see ME. Everyone knows my routine in life. School, work, kids, etc... but what people seem to often forget is how hard it really all is. People seem to think that if I read a book or two and then attend all my classes and clinicals that i'm now ready for it all in the nursing field. There is now no reason for me to be concerned/scared about my future b/c I've learn it all already. What they are forgetting is this major part of learning on the job. Nursing school has given me the basics, the basics only. Nursing school has shown me once or twice the nursing skills needed. The rest is on the job! I don't deny that i've learn a great deal about the human race, body and mind. However, like everyone else I still need that vital on the job training. I wish that finace knew that I wan't above that, that I need that also. I am sick of finace and some others telling me that i'm in a sad/bad mood. BE SIMPLY IN MY SHOES FOR ONCE! Who can be happy all the time? I know of no one!
I wish that people knew that I work, go to school, help others when I can, take care of Steve-o and have kids. When I am suppose to have time for me? I don't assume anytime really! There are weekends that are free, few and far between,even though I often am busy the next day. Bottom line is, i'm stressed, i'm tired and i'm not in the best of moods all the time.(though you'll often find a smile on my face) I have a job that in the past i've learned alot from. I work with a great great great group of physicians, however the rest of my co-workers and managment(mostly management) are trying to get rid of me b/c of my schooling. My work is no longer a happy place for me to be with now adds to my stressors on a daily basis. I am unwanted and ppl are always against me there, going against deals made (such as working around my schooling) Breakdown: M, T and Thur i am in school all day long. Thur I have to drive to Fort Akinson(sp) for class. Then on Wed and Fri I have to work 10 hr days. (well we all know if i'm not a fan of my work place right now, why would I like being there for 10 hours) Then my oldest has girlscouts, both girls have soccer, soccer practice and games on weekends. Finally I have team meetings for Steve-o, car hunting for me (I sold my other car in hopes to find a van to support a bigger family) and planning a wedding now( which is the least of my stressors), and finally other family private illnesses/issues that are going on.
Now....why am I am in a sad/bad mood sometimes? Why am I not on top of it all? Read above: I'M TRYIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
The office
Where do you go when you've done something wrong at work? The office.
Where do you go when other staff members THINK you've done something wrong at work? The office
Where do you go when you're blamed for something that WENT wrong at work? The office
Where do you go when you're a student and your job is tired of working with you? The office
Where can you find me? The office!
The office is one of those places that we all know before we get there that it just can't be good. The office is one of those places that you see and quickly move past before the bossman/woman notices you. The office is like a cold, dark, scary room that only has 2 chairs (one for you and the person blaming you, both sitting across from the person scolding you) The office is small, but with a nice view. The office is known for causing nausea, vomiting, nail biting, yelling and tears. The office is where the little voice in the back of your head keeps telling you " no worries, this lady/man is nuts-o, they've got nothing on you", which in turn relaxes you to some extent. The office SUCKS!
So why do I write this blog about the office we all know about, have gone to or will someday? Because I have been spendnig more time than really needed in the office. The reason for this is what gets me and will get you too. We all know I go to school for nursing. We all know it's takin' me a looong time to get through it. But yea, I was a single Mom for a long time. Now i'm almost done with school (graduation is May.. mark your calendars) and my boss so nicely wants to keep pulling me in her office to tell me that she doesn't believe after all these years she can continue to work around my school schedule. The worst part is this.1.I work in healthcare and RNs are needed. 2. We had an agreement that I worked at least 20hours, they work around me. I've held up my end of deal 100%. I also have worked some lame hours and some nice hours. Maybe I don't change up my hours (lame/nice) through the week but I do change it up through out the semester. The other part of this that completely goes along with my schoool is the staff members I work with. Most of them complain about the amount of time I am there. Which in turn all goes back to my schooling. When is this anyone's concern? I do my job correctly and am good at it. Today, I was called into the office again and was told AGAIN that they just are not sure still. They think they'll be able to work with me until November. All I wanted to do at that point was say "I quit and I want an exit interview" But I couldn't...I must attempt to find a better/differen job before pulling that stunt.
I have so much I wish to say in this blog, however considering this is public I should probably wait until a later date to say my real thoughts :) Until then....you can find me in the office!
(SIDE NOTE:....if you have a career (male/female) take responsibility of your actions, don't lie or blame others....with that said, I'd like to make it clear that if you're in healthcare you MUST ask the charge nurse if you can leave, come early or do anything. I DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
Where do you go when other staff members THINK you've done something wrong at work? The office
Where do you go when you're blamed for something that WENT wrong at work? The office
Where do you go when you're a student and your job is tired of working with you? The office
Where can you find me? The office!
The office is one of those places that we all know before we get there that it just can't be good. The office is one of those places that you see and quickly move past before the bossman/woman notices you. The office is like a cold, dark, scary room that only has 2 chairs (one for you and the person blaming you, both sitting across from the person scolding you) The office is small, but with a nice view. The office is known for causing nausea, vomiting, nail biting, yelling and tears. The office is where the little voice in the back of your head keeps telling you " no worries, this lady/man is nuts-o, they've got nothing on you", which in turn relaxes you to some extent. The office SUCKS!
So why do I write this blog about the office we all know about, have gone to or will someday? Because I have been spendnig more time than really needed in the office. The reason for this is what gets me and will get you too. We all know I go to school for nursing. We all know it's takin' me a looong time to get through it. But yea, I was a single Mom for a long time. Now i'm almost done with school (graduation is May.. mark your calendars) and my boss so nicely wants to keep pulling me in her office to tell me that she doesn't believe after all these years she can continue to work around my school schedule. The worst part is this.1.I work in healthcare and RNs are needed. 2. We had an agreement that I worked at least 20hours, they work around me. I've held up my end of deal 100%. I also have worked some lame hours and some nice hours. Maybe I don't change up my hours (lame/nice) through the week but I do change it up through out the semester. The other part of this that completely goes along with my schoool is the staff members I work with. Most of them complain about the amount of time I am there. Which in turn all goes back to my schooling. When is this anyone's concern? I do my job correctly and am good at it. Today, I was called into the office again and was told AGAIN that they just are not sure still. They think they'll be able to work with me until November. All I wanted to do at that point was say "I quit and I want an exit interview" But I couldn't...I must attempt to find a better/differen job before pulling that stunt.
I have so much I wish to say in this blog, however considering this is public I should probably wait until a later date to say my real thoughts :) Until then....you can find me in the office!
(SIDE NOTE:....if you have a career (male/female) take responsibility of your actions, don't lie or blame others....with that said, I'd like to make it clear that if you're in healthcare you MUST ask the charge nurse if you can leave, come early or do anything. I DO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Is she excited?
Have you ever noticed that most going to be brides are either semi bridezillas or they are constantly talking about their big day. (which I might add is a freakin' year away). On the flip side, have you noticed that those going to be brides that are not always chatting it up about their big day, people start talking, thinking that perhaps she's just not excited. Here are one going to be brides thoughts on all of this. I am the bride that IS IS IS excited, but i'm not going to sit around worrying or talking about my wedding day. I don't feel that there is a need to get all bent out of shape over that one day. It will be great, beautiful and ONE of the best, memorable, days of my life and that will all happen regardless of if I worry or talk about it. So here it is, I am excited and I feel blessed. I went from bad semi violent relationships and had two kids at a young age. I put myself through nursing school and take care of my disabled brother. No one would think that I would have found someone great, someone willing to take on me, two kids and a brother. BUT, I did and fiance is great. Not only am I getting a wondering soon to be husband, but i'm getting a fabulous family. I have two wonderful kids, a great brother and now a beautifully wonderful fiance. We bought a great house and are super excited about our upcoming wedding. :)
What is on your fingers?
What is on your fingers? It looks like someone attacked you..or them! Well, someone did attack them. ME! I have this habit that i've had since I was a little girl of biting my nails. I hate this habit. Of course when you think about it, how many people do you know who really like their "habits?" Since I was young I have been coming up with ways to help myself NOT bite my nails, nothing has worked. Last year I put fake nails on, for my zillionth time, and kept them on for longer then they were suppose to be. Yes, they looked damn good.
I am completely able to put fake nails on, take them off and then OCD like my own longer nails for a long period of time. When I say "OCD like" my nails I mean it. I am filing, painting and taking care of those nails night and day. My longest time with some nice long nails of my own was a year and a half and i'm semi still doing it. Currently I started only biting my pinky nails. Can you say weirdo? Gosh I look so dumb having semi long nails and then what I like to call my nervous nelly's on each hand. I wish there was something/anything that could help me stop biting my nails. I swear I make it sooo long and then all of a sudden something happens and I bite. I know it's a nervous thing, but what the heck am I nervous about? I don't really get nervous. Well, unless i'm taking a test b/c i'm really not the best of test takers. UGH it's just rough b/c everyone seems to look at your hands, your fingers. And now since I've decided to brilliantly post this for the world to see, most everyone will be looking at mine or my nervous nelly's. What is on your finger? people will say.
I am completely able to put fake nails on, take them off and then OCD like my own longer nails for a long period of time. When I say "OCD like" my nails I mean it. I am filing, painting and taking care of those nails night and day. My longest time with some nice long nails of my own was a year and a half and i'm semi still doing it. Currently I started only biting my pinky nails. Can you say weirdo? Gosh I look so dumb having semi long nails and then what I like to call my nervous nelly's on each hand. I wish there was something/anything that could help me stop biting my nails. I swear I make it sooo long and then all of a sudden something happens and I bite. I know it's a nervous thing, but what the heck am I nervous about? I don't really get nervous. Well, unless i'm taking a test b/c i'm really not the best of test takers. UGH it's just rough b/c everyone seems to look at your hands, your fingers. And now since I've decided to brilliantly post this for the world to see, most everyone will be looking at mine or my nervous nelly's. What is on your finger? people will say.
Friday, November 13, 2009
He amazes me....
My brother tonight amazed me. He's always amazed me I should say. He's won the special olympics once (basketball). I cried that day of pure joy. He achieved getting his drivers lic., I cried that day. He's achieved having his own job, overcoming the looks. He is what we all should be. Not self absorbed, not self conscious. Tonight Steve asked if he was "down syndrome". I replied "No, why do you ask?" He thought that being DS was about figuring out your sexuality. (he's confused about sexualities b/c of other around him that are insensitive and rude to that matter) I said nothing more than, "No Steve, those two things are different." I went along with naming the people HE knew that were dx with Down Syndrome. Steve amazes me. I can sit next to Steve and feel honored, proud, that I get the chance to say I helped, that I get the chance to say, look at him...now that's an example for us all. That I get the chance to say that's my brother, that's my blood. This adult with disabilities works, is the most stable worker i know, the most dedicated to work person I know. He cares for everyone he encounters, even when it comes off as "inapropriate", it's caring. (trust me). I'm amazed by Steve every day of my life and every day of the rest of my life I will continue to be amazed.
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